Apakah gw suka sama si  Udin?

Udin tuh temen gw.. kami kenal pas kami ngajar di daerah Citayam

Gw akhir-akhir ini mikir sedih bgd kalo sampe Udin punya pacar..

Entar ga ada temen sms, ga ada temen ngenet, ga ada temen ngobrol

Apa kabar gw nanti?        

Kok gw egois yah? Udin kan juga punya hidup dia sendiri.. huhu

But I would feel lonely if he has girl friend

I am afraid that he will ignore me.. That’s the only thing that I am really afraid of

To be ignored by him because he has something else

Last night, he did not reply my last messages though I had sent it three times

I feel sad when he did that.. upset yeah..

Gw merasa nyaman kalo deket sama Udin

Just feeling comfort.. around him

Gw ga tau apa gw suka sama dia atau ga..

Gw ngerasa gw butuh dia ajah…

I do like him as friend, but more than friend? I am still wondering in my mind and my heart

Now I don’t feel I like him as a girl like a guy.. but I always want to be with him

I love when we are having time together and then we laugh at our stupidity

With him I feel secure; I have someone who I can talk to

I do like around him

I don’t want him let go from my life

Yet,, I cannot decide apakah gw suka sama Udin?

Jadi inget lagu..

Udin.. Udin namamu norak tapi terkenal

Udin.. Udin.. walaupun norak banyak yang suka

And perfectly because of his name is so familiar for me

I love to call and to hear his name

I have many relatives that have the same rhyme with him

Ada Kang Udin (nama panggilannya sama), Kang Idin, Kang Midin, almarhum Kang Rudin,

And someone that also I call Din.

Ratapan siang bolong

Hari ini gw paleng bgd… paleng sepaleng-palengnya.. (paleng=pusing)

Ternyata emang yah dunia kerja itu dunia yang sebenarnya

Kita harus pandai mengambil hati atasan

Belum lagi bersosialisasi sama rekan kerja

Dan pekerjaan ga seperti tugas sekolah yang setiap hari datang lagi datang lagi

Di atas itu semua, ga ada yang namanya libur panjang hueeeeeeeeee

Dulu sih kepikiran pengen stay di sini ajah tapi ternyata Jakarta itu

Emang yang kayak di pilem-pilem sumpek

Maksud hati ingin keluar dari sini

Pengen sekali biar saya ini ga nyumpek2in Jakarta lagi

Jadi Jakarta bisa lebih lega dan saya bisa membangun daerah saja

Tapi terwujudnya entah kapan dah

Semoga saya bisa kerja di daerah saja

AMIN

Tadi pagi lucu banget gw ditelpon sama seseorang yang mengaku-aku adik kelas gw
gini nih percakapannya
si penelpon misterius (SPM): hallo
gw: hallo.. maaf ini siapa yah?
SPM: hah? hallo..masa ga tau saya
gw: maap saya ganti hp, no hpnya kesave di hp yang lama kali
SPM: saya adik kelasnya mbak
gw: adik kelas saya (muka gw udah heran, merengut gitu)..
    emang kamu tau nama saya
SPM: taulah,, mamase kan
gw: (okok.. berarti dia ga salah sambung..) adik kelas SMA saya? (tanya gw memancing
   SPM supaya terjerumus ke lubang kebohongannya sendiri) emang gw sekolah dimana?
SPM : SMA 1 Serang.. saya adik kelas ka mamase.. nama saya rizal mbak
gw: heh dodol.. saya tau lo bukan adik kelas gw.. ngaku aja siapa lo? (kata gw
dengan suara sangar di telepon)
SPM: Bener ko ka.. saya adik kelas kaka
gw: lo Rizal pacara si anti bukan? (gw tau nama rizal mantanya sepupu gw, nak smansa juga)
SPM: Bukan ka.. anak Sma 1 serang (ngototnya)
Gw: akh.. lo fai kan.. gw tau kali.. udah deh jangan boong dah.. gw tau.. mana mungkin
    anak sma 1 serang manggil gw Mbak ato Kaka.. nak sma 1 serang manggil senior itu
    akang-teteh tau.. jadi lo ketauan boongnya dodol.
SPM: oh gitu yah.. wahahaha
gw: paling juga ini lo fai..
SPM : OH pakenya akang-teteh
gw: iyalah.. ya gw taulah lo bukan anak sma 1 serang dari situ hahahaha
ternyata dia adalah Rifai teman saya ketika di NF yang berkuliah di Jogya sedang mencoba
mengerjai saya.. wah sorry manyori cuy.. fai lo ketauan belangnya hanya karena lo
ga pay attention sama perbedaan budaya antara Jogya, Jakarta dan Serang... hahahaha

Jangan Panggil Saya Mbae..

Saya bukannya menganggap panggilan Mbae yang disematkan orang untuk memanggil saya itu jelek atau ga bagus. Saya tahu panggilan Mbae itu panggilan hormat.. secara pribadi karena saya bukan orang Jawa tulen saya kurang merasa sreg kalo di Jakarta ini orang-orang dengan seenaknya memanggil saya Mbae tanpa mengetahui latar belakang sosial saya. Cukuplah dengan memanggil Mbak saja masih Ok Buat saya tapi kalo Mbae buat telinga saya aneh dan jujur saya kurang suka dipanggil Mbae.

Dengan latar belakang saya yang juga Jawa Serang, saya tidak bisa disebut orang Jawa juga orang Sunda. That’s fine with me. Masalahnya adalah Jawa Serang tidak pernah menyebut kakak perempuan dengan panggilan Mbak.. apalagi Mbae.. jadi cukuplah kalo pake Mbak karena saya tahu banyak orang Jawa di Jakarta dan panggilan Mbak dianggap lebih global. Yah Whatever, but I love my own culture. So saya lebih nyaman dan merasa orang lebih menghargai saya ketika dia menyapa saya dengan Teteh atau at least Kakak karena panggilan Kakak cenderung lebih umum dan bahasa Indonesia ketimbang Mbae…

Dan pagi ini, saya upset banget karena dipanggil Mbae.. sebel, kesel.. sepertinya semua orang disamaratakan. Buat apa Bhineka Tunggal Ika kalo perbedaan bukan dianggap kekayaan tapi malah penghalang?

Mungkin kalo buat orang ga masalah.. hallo mbak, teh, ka,uni.. sama aja kalee!!

Mungkin itu buat anda, buat saya yah berbeda. Tetep aja saya ini orang Banten asli yang dari lahir mendengar kata teh, dipanggil sehari-hari teh sehingga saya nyaman ketika orang menyapa saya dengan Teh.. terserah orang mau berkata apa.. bahkan saya baca artikel orang Bogor yang Sunda asli bilang kalo manggil teh itu kampungan.. whats????? Kalo dia bilang depan muka saya.. udah saya debat itu orang. Huh.. emangnya Mbae ato Mbak ga dipake orang Kampung.. wong kampung yang tinggal di pelosok juga pake Mbak sodara-sodara.. banyak orang pake Mbak karena jumlah suku Jawa paling banyak se-indonesia hampir 50 %.. kalo mau dimasukin orang Cirebon dan Serang juga masih termasuk sub-suku Jawa tapi sudah berbeda karena campuran Sunda sehingga lebih cenderung ngambang.

Temen-temen saya kebanyakan yang orang Jawa asli juga kurang sreg dipanggil Teh sama adik saya so ga semua orang merasa mbak,teh,uni, kakak itu sama…… sodara-sodara.

Okelah kalo dipanggil Mbak di Jakarta sekedar untuk menghormati tapi kalo Mbae saya rasa terlalu lebay karena artinya menyamaratakan latar belakang sosial seseorang. Ada yang ok-ok saja asal masih sopan, ada yang seperti saya ini lebih suka dengan panggilan daerah saya, ada yang sebodo amatlah artinya sama ini. So.. yang terpenting adalah menghargai perbedaan karena semua orang tidak sama dan saya selalu mencoba memanggil orang dengan latar belakang sosialnya baik dia perduli atau tidak karena saya ingin dihormati juga maka saya mulai dari diri saya dengan menghormati orang lain. Kalo di Serang dipanggil Mbak.. definitely, saya bakal tegas minta dipanggil Teh ajah coz itu kan wilayah saya.. wajar kalo saya meminta dipanggil Teh karena notabene yang pendatang adalah yang bersangkutan (yang memanggil Mbak).

Maaf yah saya ga bermaksud menyinggung orang Jawa asli coz ini cuma curahan hati saya dan pikiran saya. Semua panggilan itu bagus dan hormat tetapi akan lebih bagus dan hormat jika kita menyematkannya pada orang yang tepat. Or at least hargailah perbedaan seperti di Serang walaupun berbahasa Jawa tapi tetap memanggil Teteh karena yang perempuan asalnya orang Sunda dengan adat dan tradisi yang berbeda. Tidak berat bukan melakukan permintaan kecil seseorang yang hanya minta dipanggil dengan panggilan daerahnya agar terasa lebih akrab.

Nyi Imas

Saya merasa ada yang lucu dan geli ketika OB di kantor menyodorkan tagihan minuman yang saya ambil bulan lalu. Kebetulan sistem bayarnya ngutang dan dibayar setelah gajian. Kebetulan OB-nya kan orang Sunda jadi dia memanggil saya Teteh karena saya orang Serang. Disitu kertas itu tertera tulisan saya yang menuliskan nama Imas dan ternyata ada yang menambahkan kata Nyi di depan nama saya jadinya Nyi Imas hahahahahahaha…  Jadul banget. Kalo saja saya tidak tahu arti dari kata sapaan Nyi dalam kultur Sunda mungkin saya sebel banget kali. Nyai atau Nyi kan kesannya kayak nenek-nenek gitu. Kalo kagak tau sih mungkin cewek masih muda ngamuk dipanggil Nyai hahahahay.

Inget film Kabayan kan? Nah Kang Kabayan kan manggil gadis yang ia sukai dengan sapaan Nyi Iteung. Nyai atau Nyi itu dalam kultur Sunda sama dengan Neng (sapaan kepada gadis muda) perbedaannya adalah kalo Nyai/Nyi ini dipake sama orang-orang tua dulu dan Neng dipake sama orang-orang zaman sekarang. Nyai/Nyi ini khasnya Sunda Priangan. Jadi saya merasa geli sekaligus merasa senang  dan terhormat disapa Nyi walaupun jadul sekalee.

Dulu juga saya merasa ga keren banget kalo disapa Nong kayaknya kerenan Neng deh. Selidik punya selidik ternyata Nyai/Nyi dan Nong ini sama Cuma kalo Nyai/Nyi dipake Sunda Priangan dan Nong dipake Sunda Banten dan juga sama-sama jadulnya hahaha..

Saya kan tinggal di Serang yang mayoritas berbahasa Jawa dan orang-orang Jawa Serang yang termasuk golongan sepuh-sepuh dan orang-orang yang tinggal di kampung masih pake Nong untuk memanggil gadis muda sedangkan kalo di Serang kota udah pada pake Neng. Setelah tahu nilai dan budaya saya jadi lebih suka dengan Nong dan Nyai/Nyi ini walau jadul tapi unik dan menarik yah walaupun sekarang mulai tergeser dan kalah pamor dengan Neng yang dianggap lebih kota dan keren hahahaha..

Learning English is Fun

One day my boarding house friend laughed very loud and I wanted to know so I went to her room to know why and she said that she was having fun watching The Big Bang Theory. Did you know when the first time what I thought about it? I was thinking that it was a science fiction film (that I have gone wrong deduction). So she told me that The Big Bang Theory is a sitcom about a group of nerds. She said it was funny.

Then she told to watch it by myself to take a look how funny it was. I finally got one season of this sitcom on my laptop and tried to watch it carefully. Surprisingly, I did not get into the jokes so I did not laugh. I ended up watching it just because I thought I could practice my English. (here, I wanted to make clear that I like American English accent because I think it sounds nice for non-native speaker like me who is trying to sound like native to imitate. You know I could not imitate the sexy and gorgeous accent of British because it is too unnatural for non-native speaker like me who never been overseas to imitate. I think I would sound tacky if I do that. But yes I like British English very much yet I just could not imitate it)

I was very surprised to see Sheldon who got a little bit alike with Sherlock. He is fast-talking, scientist, very smart, incapable of making social relationship well because he puts too much attention on himself and the one who could bear someone like him is Leonard, his roommate. I was so surprised because I think that kind of relationship is like Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. I like Sheldon because he is like Sherlock Holmes a little bit.

This sitcom is about nerd life and now I was getting into it. I could understand the joke that was pretty much funny and I was having fun with that. I should say that watching this could make me feel enjoy something that I want to learn. I would explain to you, actually I am a student of English program who suppose to master English but I always think that I am not good. So I try my best to always learning but I end up with boring situation. I always know that the best way to learn language is by using it. I am using my senses to catch everything that I could learn from English. By watching movies, cartoons, or this sitcom, I learn much about English. I like language because I think I have so many ways to gain knowledge not just by sitting around in the library and reading many books. (I still think reading book is best way to make you smart haha). Now, I was writing something and what it was about I did not care because the point was I start to write again and that was good for me. 

Something Called Emotion

People have feeling. They feel everything. They react to everything around them. We could show our feeling to others in order to create a situation that we want. Why I say a situation (or may be condition). Why did not I say a relationship? Recently, I have experienced so many feelings but it is not just a feeling but I realize it by my awareness as a human being that my feeling or I would like to call it my emotion would create such a situation and condition with others. This emotion I perceive that everyone notices by themselves when they grown up and learn the slice of life, the sweetness and the bitterness sides of life. It is quite wonderful   since I realize it.

I am so called a bad temper person. Sometimes just a little tiny pieces of problem could ignite the fire in my heart. Just a little mistake and I would cry for nothing actually. And I realize it I cry because I want to cry. On Sunday I had a fight with my younger sister just because she brought the boarding house key with her while she was having fun with others. I could wait actually. I was very very very much mean to her. I mean that she just got me in this place because we are far away from home. And I was so blind to mock her. I really felt bad about myself. I was so sorry for her because I was so mean, rude, selfish, and unbelievable that I did not have a abit of thought about how she was feeling towards me when I said something bad about her since I am her older sister.

My emotion is always unstable every time when I have my period. I will be very rude and cannot control myself so I just will speak my heart out without even thinking what I am saying would hurt others and my lovely sister who was actually not really guilty in this case . It was me who created the bad situation now, my feeling, my emotion because I could not control it well. I would try to tame my emotion. I have to.

To adapt with others we have to restrain ourselves that is what I think. Though I love Sherlock Holmes so much and Sherlock BBC (he is sociopathic), I am no him. Although Sherlock cannot make friend easy but he always has John and he values John most in his Life as best friend. What I am trying to say is that he is able to maintain his relationship well in his own way. That's wonderful, I think.

I have to value people around me not because it will please them but it also reciprocates. The feeling, the emotion of happiness in sharing will also bring joyful in life. That’s why I am not gonna lost with my emotion again. Because there are so much happiness out there if can put aside the bad emotion like shy (why I have to be shy if I don’t commit wrong doing, it is such a foolish notion) and the anger. But, yes talking about emotion and feeling there are so many forms of them. I  am no expert.  I am just jotting down everything that cross my mind now.

I am really really sorry my little sister.